Screwing with Heaven
by Poisoned Scarlet
Summary: Crack! He was doing what every single man in the Fire Country wanted to do. To Screw with Heaven, and not feel it's wrath. “Do you want Tenten's secrets or not? 'Cause if you do, I suggest shutting your damn mouth with duck tape. Silver side up dawg."


**Screwing With Heaven**

**.By: **_Panda-chan_**_._**

_**.Standard Disclaimer Applies.**_

**-**

**Dare**

"I dare you Hyuuga Neji! Screw with Tenten's pride and emotions!" Naruto demanded with a noodle snaking itself down his chin.

... No comment.

"No."

Behind Naruto, Shikamaru, Sasuke and Lee sat on one of the stools in Ichiraku Ramen. They both ate their ramen in silence while Naruto glowered at a stoic Neji. Lee, on the other hand, was loudly and annoyingly talking about youth to the Ramen owner, who smiled tensely and slowly inched away.

Smart man he is.

"Why not!? I mean, Sasuke-teme's done it to Sakura-chan and Shikamaru did it to Temari-bitch and Ino-pig! But he got beat up shitless because of it..." From the corner of Neji's silver irises, he saw the genius shudder with reminisce.

"Neji," He looked at Shikamaru. "if you know what's good for you, I wouldn't take on that bet. Tenten-san has a short fuse and can easily get mad... trust me, a woman's wrath is to be feared." Shikamaru shuddered again before going back to his steaming bowl.

"Hn..." Naruto blinked and smirked at Neji's thoughtful face.

"Come on, Neji! It's easy! You just have to complete five tasks in order to win the bet! If you win, I'll get Sakura and Ino and Tenten to beat the crap outta me!" Neji looked at the mischievous Naruto.

Watching Naruto get beaten up by three enraged kunoichi was not only very, very entertaining but something you cannot miss. Ever.

"Which are?"

"Mocking. Teasing. Insulting. Secrets. And, _Seduction._" Naruto's grinned only widened. "And in all of them, you have to make Tenten either submit to you or hurt her pride and ego!"

Sasuke raised a well defined brow. "Secrets?"

Naruto nodded feverishly.

"Yeah! Secrets! Like, Neji finds something dirty about Tenten and he has to make her confess to him that it's true! It's classic!" Sasuke's eyes darkened at the foxy grin Naruto displayed.

"I only made it to Secrets before Sakura blew her top and beat me up..." Shikamaru yawned and threw his chopsticks into his empty bowl.

"I only got to the second one before Ino slapped me and Temari banged me over the head with her God-forbidden fan...."

Naruto broke into a fit of laughter. Sasuke smirked at his traumatized friend who steamed red.

"It left scars!!"

Neji smirked. "I accept."

**-**

**Mocking**

The wind blew from the east, ruffling a young mans long -and well maintained- hair while he watched for his loyal teammate.

A feminine figure began to appear from behind the tall tree's and shrubs. She was in her usual ninja clothes; an oriental-style shirt along with some maroon colored khaki's and some heeled flats.

"Hey Neji!" He sat calmly on the curve of a tree and acknowledged her presence with a slight tilt of his head.

"Tenten."

She bent down to drop her bag on the dusty floor and take out some of her newly-written scrolls. Neji watched her every move while she quickly slipped some bobby pins into her chocolate colored hair.

"Tenten?"

She turned, seven thin pieces' of metal tucked inside her lips. "Yeah?"

"... Why do you have bobby pins in your mouth?"

Tenten gave him a sheepish smile as she took them out and slipped them into her hair.

"Well! I woke up late and I had to hurry through my usual schedule. I know that you get mad if I'm late so I just decided to do my hair here." She responded honestly.

"Ah?"

Tenten grinned. "Ah!"

Neji blinked. "You vaguely remind me of Hanabi when she was five."

Tenten giggled and stood up from her crouched pose. "Really? Is that a good thing?"

Neji smiled thinly. "No. It makes you look like a child deprived of it's toys. Or when you throw your anger tantrums..."

Tenten raised an brow and set her hands on her hips. "S'cuse me?"

Neji crossed his arms and kept his blatant face. "You have anger problems."

Tenten puffed her cheeks. "Do not!"

"... Tenten I will not stoop as low as to responded to that statement." Tenten huffed and crossed her arms.

"Why? Scared you'll lose?" She taunted.

Neji smirked. "No. I just don't want to make you feel... inferior when I win." Tenten gawked at him before breaking into a laughing fit.

"N-Neji Hyuuga! You mere presence makes me feel inferior!" Tenten crowed.

Neji smiled crookedly. "Then my job here is done."

Tenten slapped a hand over her mouth and bent down as her laughter filled the monotone silence. She quickly regained her composure and grinned at the bemused genius.

"You know! For someone who doesn't show much emotion and quiet, you sure can make me laugh!"

"Hn. It's not me, it's your way of deciphering what I say." Tenten shrugged and skipped towards the lake that stood behind the Hyuuga prodigy.

"Whatever's Neji!"

"Use correct grammar, Tenten. You're not three." Tenten puffed her cheeks.

"Nuh uh!" Neji sighed in attempts to cover up his laugh.

"Use it."

"No!"

Neji gave an exasperated sigh. "Tenten, use correct grammar."

"Tenten, use correct grammar." She mocked. Mocked. Neji suppressed the smirk that wanted to arise on his handsome face.

"Tenten..."

"Neji..." Tenten said with an edge of _mockery_. Neji's lip twitched a fraction at her expecting face before he puffed out the air in his lungs and smiled thinly.

"Hn." Tenten blinked and rose an eyebrow at his narrowed eyes, before dread filled her features.

"Neji... are you going to-to _ignore me_ for mocking you!?"

"..."

"Neji?"

"..."

"Neji!? No! I didn't mean it!"

"..."

Tenten drew in her brows and ran to him before tugging on his Hyuuga robes like a child. "Nejiii! Please! Please! Please! I didn't mean it!"

Neji turned to the side childishly and ignored her. Tenten panicked. If you got ignored by _The _Hyuuga Neji.

Pray to God he would forgive you. Ever.

_Screw my pride! Getting the cold shoulder from him is like... never seeing him again! Ever! Something I can't stand..._

"Neji! Neji! I'm sorry! Neji!" She pleaded with glossy eyes while Neji lifted his chin up in defiance.

"Hn. Beg." She gawked and swallowed. Neji guessed that was her pride being stomached.

_Being superior to someone inferior feels nice..._

"Please... f-forgive me... O great Neji of the Hyuuga clan... number one... number one shinobi in the-the village and the most—handsome, hot—s-sexy male in the whole live—w-world..." Tenten said with much difficulty. Neji could see tears brimming in her eyes.

"Oh, Good. You remembered the speech I asked—"

"Forced..."

"—you to remember." Tenten glowered and kicked a stone.

_Task one, complete..._ The Hyuuga male mused.

From deep within the shrubs, you could hear Naruto grumbling.

-

**Teasing**

Tenten hummed to herself while Neji gathered his thoughts at how he was going to do this without making a complete moron of himself.

_I need a topic... _Neji thought while Tenten stood back up and grinned. Neji watched her walk over to the lake to fill in her canteen when a devious thought came to mind.

_I got it... _The man stood up and in a flash he was behind her. He poked her butt softly, but it was enough to make Tenten go out of bounce with embarrassment and fall into the cold water.

"Kyyaaa!"

_Splash!_

Neji kept his arrogant smirk. Now he had a topic. Now... to begin the teasing.

The Hyuuga male stared at Tenten's soaked figure. Her face was flushed pink from the shocking event. Her eye's were wide with realization of what happened and she was shivering from the frigid water she landed in.

"N-Neji! What the hell?!"

"Hmm... Clumsy are we?" He teased.

Tenten's cheeks turned maroon as she used her hands to lift herself up.

"No! But—But you sneaked up on me!" She countered lamely. Neji's smirk only widened.

"You're a ninja, you're suppose to be ready and prepared for these types of things..." He informed smartly, a melodic ring to his words.

"Y-Yeah! But... I-I let my guard down around you." Neji felt a hint of shock at how much she trusted him but quickly covered it up with a smart remark.

"Hmm... true. But that doesn't cover for the fact that you're not quick on your feet." Tenten trudged through the water and out to dry land. Her cheeks red.

"Argh! I am quick on my feet! It's just..."

"Just?"

Tenten puffed her cheeks. "You surprised me is all!"

"... And you got a face full of water in return."

"Thank you Captain Obvious!" She spat. This only increased the Hyuuga's amusement.

"Aren't we a bit to old to be making up pet names?" Tenten stuck her head to the side and walked past Neji with embarrassment etched on her face.

"Says you!" She stuck her tongue out at him. Tenten stopped and stared at the mud puddle beneath her.

Neji, bemused by her pointless arguing, only kept going. "What? Now you're going to try your luck in mud?"

The color in her cheeks grew as time passed. "I won't fall! Geez..."

"Hn." Stopping his teasing momentarily so she could cool off. Neji knew that, being a girl, she was sensitive and emotional. And he didn't want to end up like the Uchiha, who teased Haruno so badly she didn't come out of her house for three days because of the extreme embarrassment.

In the end, he got a face full of fist and an ear full of insults.

Tenten squeezed excess water from her shirt and plopped down onto the blanket she stretched on the dirt ground.

"... Was it cold?"

"Huh?"

The man smiled lightly. "The water. Was it cold?"

She flushed again for not getting such an easy question. "Oh! Yes! Yeah, it was cold! Freezing!" Neji nodded as she sat there and let her clothes air dry. By now, the pink that tinted her cheeks was fading back to it's original sun-tanned tone.

She stood and was going to pick up her fallen canteen when Neji's teasing voice cut through the air like a blade.

"... Soo... Since the water was cold, do you think the bushes will be prickly?"

"Neeejjjiiii!"

-

**Insulting**

Tenten skipped down the Konoha Central Park happily, Neji by her side. He glanced at Tenten's glowing face and couldn't help but to smile at her good mood.

"Ooh! Look Neji! Look!" She tugged on his Hyuuga robe childishly as she pointed at a pretty flower bed. Neji felt the odd sense of fatherhood as Tenten pointed at the flower bed like a young child would. She was a head shorter than him, so he had to look down at her.

_... This makes me feel old for some reason. I'm going to bastard now and ignore her for making me feel this way._

"Hmph." He stuck his nose up in the air. Tenten pouted.

"You're no fun! I swear, when you have children, they'll be all—all—bored because you're—you're a fun sucker!" Neji raised his brow's at her jumbled up comment.

"_I'm _a fun sucker? I beg a differ." Tenten looked up at him, squinting one eye as the suns bright rays obscured her teammates manly figure.

_Damn... look at those triceps and biceps! Hotness overload..._

"How so?" Tenten mocked formality, trying -and failing- to avert her eyes from Neji's muscular arms. Neji smirked and lowered his head down to her. She felt her cheeks warm as Neji leveled himself to her, a cocky smirk on his usually indifferent face.

"Tag." He said bluntly.

Tenten raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"Tag...?"

"Tag. You're it." He poked her arm and disappeared within a blink of an eye.

Tenten stayed frozen to the spot for a moment before grinning. "I'ma catch you Hyuuga Neji!"

Behind a tree, a twitching blond can be seen.... twitching. Naruto narrowed his eyes and puffed his cheeks out. "Damn! He's good!"

"Hn. Dobe." Naruto shot a glare to his stoic friend. Shikamaru yawned again and scratched the back of his head.

"I've go to hand it to him, he's know's her from the inside out." Naruto blinked at Shikamaru.

".... Dude... you don't know the irony of that statement." Suddenly, everything went quiet. Sasuke and Shikamaru stared at Naruto as if he grew a second head.

"What!? It's true! I mean, Neji's really steely and stuff! Oh! Oh! And he has Byakugan! And Hinata-chan told me that that Byakugan can relativ-relita-relitalida—It can see through clothes and stuff!"

Sasuke's wide eyes shrunk and he sighed. "Dobe. Do you even know what Irony means?" Naruto blinked and scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"Uhh.. it means that you're steely right? Like, irony... yeah... like, hard and shiny..."

_I can't believe he used it correctly in a sentence..._The two males thought while Naruto grinned sheepishly.

"Naruto, do you know what being steely even means?" Shikamaru probed.

Naruto narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "... Are you guys testing me?!"

"No."

Naruto blinked. "Oh. 'Cause Iruka-sensei had been trying to make me use big words. Like, the one's Shikamaru uses to confuse Ino and Temari when they're being bitchy. Yeah..."

Sasuke and Shikamaru looked at each other with exasperated faces. "That man is trying to do the impossible."

"Hn."

"Yeah—hey! Is that an insult?! Sasuke-teme!! Pineapple-head!? Dont'cha ignore me! Or—Or else I'll send my flying monkey's after you's!" (**1**)

-

Tenten pouted and set her hands over her waist. She stuck her hip out and panted while she looked from side to side. Neji had been spiking his chakra so she could know where he was, but now he was being a tease!

She couldn't find him _anywhere_!

"Neji! Neji you bastard! This is overkill!" She waited for a response, or at least a shift.

Nothing.

_Stuck-up bastard! He's doing this on purpose!_ "Neji! Hyuuga Neji get your ass out here right now...!"

She waited, tapping her foot on the roof top she was standing on while the fellow people of Konoha went about with their activities.

"One..."

Nothing.

"Two..."

Nothing.

"Neji!" She bit her lip. She couldn't give up. No way. It would put a huge stab in her pride. As if it wasn't damaged enough! Neji had made her apologize for mocking him! Gods. He can't take a joke! And that was like a blade pinching her pride.

He had teased her about falling into the lake. That made the blade slid into her pride. Now he was going to make her _give up_?

No way. No how.

"Fine!" She stated firmly. "I swear to my holy weapons I will find you! And when I do, I will do something unspeakable!" Just then, a ghostly chuckle rang through her ears and glided past her.

Neji gave her the impression of a ghost coming back to haunt it's tormentor...

_Oh shit... note to self: don't do anything particularly bad to Neji... He might just come back and screw me over if he dies anytime soon..._

"Good. Try and find me then."

She swerved around only to come face to face with his chiseled chest. She bounced back and grabbed her reddened nose while he chuckled. "First the lake, now me? You're sure adamant about being a clumsy idiot, huh?" He ignored Tenten's glowering. "Isn't that Naruto's thing, though?"

"Cork it, you bastard."

"The term 'Bastard' is really over used... Give me the next best thing."

Tenten twitched at Neji's suddenly humorous and sarcastic character.

"Alright then! Ice-bitch!" She suggested with a hint of pride.

To bad Neji's main goal was to deflate that. "Who do you think I am? Uchiha?"

Tenten puffed her cheeks. "Asshole!"

"... Thats it?"

".... Bitchy asshole."

".... That's it?"

"Alright then! Haughty, arrogant, two-faced pathetic excuse for a man!!" She screamed.

Neji smirked. "There we go. Now it's my turn."

He took a deep breath and Tenten prepared herself for the worst. "Bunnnssss..."

There was a five second time lapse before all hell broke loose.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!? Neji! How dare you—argh!! I hate you! Stupid arrogant, egotistic asshole! Me hate you! Hate! Hate! Hate! Grrr! Grr! Grr! Grrrrrrr!"

Neji smirked airily while Tenten stomped her feet and flailed her arms wildly while she called Neji some unspeakable names and inwardly cried as her pride to a turn for the wrost.

"I win."

Naruto gawked, grabbed Shikamaru's kunai pouch and threw it on ground, stomping on it before stalking over to Ichiraku's, not noticing a fuming Nara.

"Ooh Naruto... C'mere for a second..."

"What!?... Uhh, Lazy-ass, why are you looking at me that way?"

"Hn. Dobe."

"What did I—OUCH! DAMMIT I NEED THAT TO THINK ASSHOLE!"

-

**Secrets**

"So. You want some of Tennie's deepest, darkest, most filthy and dirty secrets, ey?" Neji nodded as he looked down at Hanabi.

She pouted at his tallness. "Damn, who are you? The Incredible Hulk or something..." Neji smirked.

"Hn. Don't hate just because I'm tall and you're _short_."

_Snap!_

Hear that? That's the sound of a Hyuuga woman's temper management breaking in two.

Oh yes. There will be blood...

".... Neji, do you want Tenten's secrets or not? 'Cause if you do, I suggest shutting your damn mouth with duck tape. I Recommend the heavy duty kind. Silver side up, dawg."

".... I'll behave."

"That's a good bitch."

... Okay I lied. No blood. But Hanabi has a way with words.

-

"... Neji?" Tenten furrowed her brows at him. He was staring at her with a cocky smirk and very, very amused silver eyes.

"Tenten... do you happen to know what _this _is?" Her breath got caught in her throat while she stared at the _Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 290 _in his hand. With the initials K.H. Embroidered at the bottom, right corner of the green colored book.

_Oh _crap.

"... O-One of Kakashi-sensei's.... indecent literature books?" She squeaked. Neji nodded and cracked open the book, skimmed a few pages and blushed lightly.

He swallowed and shut the book. _Damn.... descriptive... _"Yes. And what is it doing in _your _drawer?"

Tenten froze. "I-I was taking care of it for Kakashi-sensei! He asked me too because—he's busy trying to deal with Sasuke's emoness!"

"... Tenten theres a bookmark with your name, coloring and drawings in it and Kakashi said he let you borrow it because you couldn't buy the volume yet and Hanabi told me you've been reading theses at night for the past three years." He said, deadpanned.

"..... Your point?"

Neji smirked. "You're a _pervert._"

Pervert...

Pervert...

_Pervert..._

"I AM NOT!" She screeched. Face flooded red with embarrassment. "I just happen to—to like some of the stuff in it..."

Neji neared her. "Like?"

She stifled a gasp and crossed her arms. "Stuff thats not meant for someone as immature as you!"

.....

"Tenten how am I immature?"

Tenten blinked. "Uhh... You—scoured the village in search of black mail to get back at me for some unknown reason!" She huffed, triumphant with the information she disclosed.

"... Who told you that?"

"Hanabi."

"Ah." _Figures the little runt would rat me out..._ "I still do not see how I am immature. Tenten, you're eighteen. You've been reading this—this _filth_ since you were fifteen!"

Tenten gasped. "How _dare _you call the Icha Icha Paradise books _filth_! I'll let you borrow that book for tonight Hyuuga Neji!" She puffed her chest and walked passed him with her chin stuck high. "And tomorrow, you tell _me _how awesome that book is! Deal?!"

Neji raised a brow at Tenten and followed her with his eyes. "Hmm... we'll see about that."

"We shall!" She parroted. Tenten stopped, turned her head slightly to the side and murmured a soft. "Can I just finish the chapter? Please..? I think Ryuuken is gonna dump Misaki for Hikari and then they're going to get _dirty_!"

"... God Tenten. I did not need to know that."

"I know. But now that you know, I don't have to edit what I think whenever I read those books the night before!"

"... Wait, you _edit_ your thoughts!?"

Poor Neji. And all this time he thought her cute little stutteres and blushy cheeks were natural.

HA!

-

**Seduction**

Neji sat in his bed and glanced at the clock. Six am in the morning. He still had time. Neji returned his gaze to th small, green book he had in his hands. He wouldn't admit it, but the Icha Icha Paradise series _was _seriously good and addictive.

Very addictive...

He will never again insult Kakashi when he's reading one these books.

_Not to mention I keep imaging these scenes with Tenten... _The young Hyuuga mused before turning the last page and snapping the small book shut. He stood, took care of his needs, showered, brushed his teeth, combed his hair carefully and changed in his regular training attire.

"Soo.. Neji-nii." Neji froze and turned to find a smirking Hanabi at the foot of his bed. "I heard that Tenten let you _borrow _the book."

Being Neji, he hid his shock with a blank face. "... Hanabi have you been getting high off Hinata-sama's scented marker's again?"

Hanabi flushed hotly and lost her footing briefly. "N-NO!"

"Hn."

The young girl regained her cool composure and kept her questioning. "Like I was saying... you read the book, Neji-nii?" She wriggled a suggestive eyebrow.

Neji hid his panic once again with an incredulous expression. "Do you actually think I would lower myself as if to read such indecent literature?"

Hanabi shrugged, ignoring the confusing sentence easily. "Pretty much. Yeah..."

Neji gave her a blank look. ".... It isn't that bad I admit..."

"SCORE!"

-

"Well?" Tenten stared smugly at the grumbling Hyuuga. "Did you read it? Because I still haven't finished it and if you want to keep reading it you're going to have to go buy it yourself!"

Neji glowered. ".... I finished it..."

Tenten blinked, before a grin broke on her face, "Oh? What's this? Neji Hyuuga is now a smut lover I see?" Neji snapped his head up and continued his glaring.

"... Hn."

"HAHAHA! I can't believe it!" A thought came to mind and Neji smirked deviously. Tenten slowly eased her laughing and drew her brows in worry while Neji smirked.

"Neji? What's with that smirk?... Oh God!" Mortification flooded Tenten's face. "D-Don't tell me you're—you're..."

"I'm...?"

She lowered her voice. "Sexually active..." Neji felt his brow twitch at the bluntness of that sentence. But none the less, kept his cocky smirk.

"Hmm... I don't know." He neared her. She backed away slowly. "Want to find out...?"

Now, usually Tenten would be eager to find out since she had been dying to be in a situation like this with her hot, sexy teammate but once put in the situation... well, let's just say all she could do was gulp, back away and throw him a nervous smile before trying to make a break for it.

"NO! NEJI HYUUGA WANTS TO RAPE ME!" She screamed shrilly, trying to outrun Neji while he tried to snatch her by the arm.

"TENTEN! SHUT UP!"

"NEVAA!"

Trip.

Excessive Blinking.

Evil smirk.

Puppy whimper.

Evil Chuckle Followed By Death-Sentence Music.

"Aww crap."

"Ready Tenten?"

"... Not until I damn Sakura and Ino for putting me on The Pill before hand! Plus! You don't have condoms so, HA!"

"Yes I do, they're in my pocket."

"... You planned this, didn't you!?"

"That's why they call me a genius, Tenten."

"Well... To Hell with that! You'll never take me ALIVE!"

"I just did."

"...Whaaa?"

And to end this very Crackish story. The little girls and little boys of Konoha, and some parents too shocked to cover their children's eyes, that were playing in the Playground near the place Tenten tripped and fell had two very long hours of life-scaring happenings while Neji and Tenten got dirty with each other.

"N-Nejiii! Ooohh..."

Naruto stared with his mouth ajar as Neji did something unspeakable and since this fiction is rated T for Teen! You guys shall never know what he had done! Isn't that just fabulous?

"OH GOD! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDRENN!"

...

"Nahhh."

And so, Neji and Tenten continued they're... physical friction while Naruto took out a bucket of popcorn, a camcorder and recorded every single moan and groan that the two teammates did while the children got scarred for life and eventually went insane.

Not.

Turns out, Neji and Tenten, while he was doing something... bad to her with his fingers, had went Ninja and disappeared. Naruto was frowning because he couldn't find them anywhere and Erro-sensei was expecting his NejiTen porn anytime now...

So the children were spared and Neji and Tenten were having there fun somewhere deep inside the forest where the _squirrels _got scarred.

Haha.

I can't wait til Lee finds them.

-

_**1 – Flying Monkeys... yeah... I like saying that when my friends coo, "Aww, look at our Little Disturbed Child!" and I retort, "Yeah! Well, Shuddup! Or I'll send my flying monkeys after you!" and they laugh and I steam before cracking up and ignoring everyone's perturbed stares.**_

_**-**_

_**I am... laughing so hard my stomach hurts! I wrote this when I was still hyped up about Personal Assistant? And put so much OCC action and Crack in it that I laughed my ass out when I even thought about writing it!**_

_**Hope you enjoyed it :3**_

_**Yup, it's suppose to be utterly stupid.**_

_**Panda.**_


End file.
